Reflection #5: Chapter 5

 1. What information surprised you or was new to you in this chapter? How does this information connect to info in the main course text?

2. What information do you agree with and why? What info do you disagree with and why?

3. Describe an experience you have had that relates to the information in this reading.

4. How can you use this information in your personal or work/school life?

5. Rate this chapter on a scale of 1 to 5 and explain your rating (1 = low and 5 = high).

Chapter 5: When Did a Hug Become a Bad Thing?

I was not surprised to read about the benefits of physical contact. What did surprise me was the statement that it is men who actually tend to provide the most touch because of the way they interact and play with children (Pica, 2015, p. 26). Our societal biases generally indicate that it is women who touch more because they are perceived as more nurturing. The main text supports the importance of touch in infants, stating that, "The infant's need for physical closeness and touching is referred to as contact comfort...  human babies need a secure base that allows them to feel safe. From this base, they can gain the confidence they need to venture out and explore their worlds" (Paris, Ricardo, & Rymond, 2019, p. 169). 

I agree that touch is a crucial part of development and that smaller children require some level of physical closeness to their teachers if they are to be successful and content at school. I really think the difference in needs per age should be emphasized more by the text. While smaller children in preschool or kindergarten may require a good deal of comforting, the amount of physical contact necessary should fade as the child ages. While it is appropriate to hold a 5 year old who is crying, it may be less appropriate to hug a crying 13 year old in quite the same way. I also disagree with Pica's opinion that teachers should not encourage children to ask first before hugging someone (2015, p. 27). I believe that it is crucial that children learn to advocate for their own boundaries and needs while respecting the same of others. Asking permission to hug somebody who they do not normally hug is a good habit, and I think it should be encouraged. Children should learn from an early start to seek permission before touching somebody who they have not touched in that way before. My own children have no issue saying, "I need a hug," to other children and adults. It is only awkward or discouraging if adults portray and perceive it as such. 

For example, my eldest son is a child who thrives on touch. Even at 14 years of age, he climbs into bed between his father and I, asking us to "make a Connor sandwich." As an infant, he was always touching, hugging, patting, or rubbing his caregivers. I wore him in a sling, and he would cling to me like a little capuchin monkey. My youngest, on the other hand, does not like to be touched. I wore him as an infant, as well, but he was always leaning away from me, trying to reach for distant objects or escape and run. From the time he could understand me and nod "yes" or "no," I have asked him for permission before hugging or kissing him. I can tell that such affection makes him uncomfortable when it is unwanted. From the time he was a toddler to his present-day 11 years of age, he will only seek comfort briefly and then move away, sit near me, and comfort himself by stroking my hair. Encouraging children to hug him without asking may very well lead to outbursts and his becoming overwhelmed and overstimulated, particularly when he was a toddler. 

I already use touch as much as appropriate in my work life. When children are being taught in person, I often place a hand on their shoulder or back when speaking to them. For smaller children, I will comfort them when injured or upset. If they run up and initiate a hug, I allow them to hug me. I do think this kind of contact is very important. At home, I offer as much or little physical contact as my individual children desire. 

I would rate this chapter a 3. While I do think touch is important, I think the author overstates the case for uncontrolled physicality and overlooks the importance of consent and age appropriateness. I myself am a person who loves physical contact, cuddling, hugging, etc., but I must be mindful of the needs of other and seek to teach my children the same consideration. 

References

Paris, J. Ricardo, A., & Rymond, D. (2019). Understanding the whole child: Prenatal development through adolescence. Open Educational Resource Publication by College of the Canyons. 

Pica, R. (2015). What if everybody understood child development? Corwin.